You should buy this house for me or from me…. either way it’s a good idea.

Sunday, August 1st 2010 from 12pm-5pm

xoxox

I honestly love Zach Galifianakis and Steve Carrell.

Special thanks to Aziz Ansari for posting this. He’s another one of those comedians I love.

Speaking of comedians. . . How fucked up is it that Rainn Wilson (Better known as Dwight from the office.) posted a photos that Mr Jordan Rubin (Better known as one of my favorite comedy writers and comedians/friends that ignore me more often then my cat.)

There is the picture…

so the other day Mr. Dwight Rainn posted it and didn’t give Jor credit. :(

However, he at least redeemed himself with me because he did publicly apologize (after John Mayer called him out via John Mayer blog.. influenced? Who knows.)

I thought that was really cool of him to @ reply Jordan in there. It warmed my dead black heart a little bit.

I know what it’s like to struggle in Hollywood and I really feel like Jordan deserved the credit for that. After all it was hilarious! Anyways, I really need to get to work. I thought maybe I’d drop by since I’m never around. Whoops.

Hey Jordan Rubin keep up the good work. We all think you’re awesome and hilarious. (well I can’t really speak for EVERYONE but.. I think you’re awesome and hilarious and since #theworldrevolvesaroundme that’s the only thing that actually matters.)

P.s.

I will now post a photograph of me driving to work because all I do is drive back and forth to work…. (at least its what it feels like.)

xoxox

I am on my mandatory lunch break right now. I’m a little tired and I want to take a nap. I am also dreaming about ice cream right now. I have no idea why. Shark week no doubt.

I must admit since my IUD was taken out this is my first “lady time.” It’s not as bad as it used to be. Thank God for that!

I really want to go Shark Diving somewhere. This is something I am going to put on my dream board. It’s going to be awesome.

Anyways, I really have to get back to work right now. I will talk to you guys later.

xoxox

P.S.

Okay. So I’m going to do this. I know it’s been a few weeks since I’ve even looked at writing a complete blog entry. I can assure you that I have not forgotten all of you. I have merely been off in my own little world here trying to get shit together. I tend to do this thing where I shut myself out from the world when I’m doing some life learning… When I logged into my back-end of wordpress today I realized that I have about 24 drafts that I had started and never even completed. I pretty much just wrote a few paragraphs and then went to do something else like pet my cat. (who by the way is next to me trying to get me to pet him now. But, don’t worry I won’t look. CRAP HE JUST HEAD BUTTED ME!)

On my drive to work this morning I was listening to the new Eminem single featuring Rihanna (My fav.) It’s called, “Love the Way You Lie.” I felt like the moment I heard the harmonious voice of Rihanna come out of my speakers the moment I fell in love with the song. It’s pretty safe to say that if you’re anything like me, an emotional masochist, you’ve been in their shoes before with one person or another. This song is amazing.

That being said, I am/was also a huge fan of the official single that was released, “Not Afraid.”

I had a conversation with Rian about this song. He said he didn’t like it because Eminem is so cliche.

…..

I really hate when people act like what I call a “Music Nazi Socialist.” You know the type of person who would be a lot happier if everyone listened to the same genre of music that they listened to. Nothing makes me more wound up than having someone tell me that WHAT I LISTEN TO IS BAD. It makes me want to start throwing back handed slaps into faces.

I genuinely like Eminem. I like him because he doesn’t rap about money, cash, hoes, or even really expensive cars and houses that he finances and most likely will end up repossessed and foreclosed on and bankrupt when Itunes stops producing sales of his one track hit… EHHHUUMMMMM *cough* chamillionaire *cough* I like that I can see this person in his music and I can see that he has been through most of the shit I have been through and he has over came it all. I like that he doesn’t give a fuck that some Musical Socialist is going to hate on him because they’d rather listen to some obscure indie band whine about how hard his life was when his parents stopped paying for his college and how it sucked when real life set in. I don’t give a fuck if what I listen to is cliche or even “bad.” I do whatever the fuck it is I want. That’s just the end of that.

I like that Marshall Mathers is just a guy. A real guy with real feelings and a real life. It brings warmness into my heart to see someone from my hometown do something good for themselves. Every time I read Rude Jude’s blog I get that same feeling. I love Jude. I think he’s hilarious. I think he’s one of the sweetest dudes from Detroit I know. It makes me happy to hear he’s doing good! I wish I saw him more.

Anyways, I seriously started this entry on Monday it’s now Weds. You see how I just keep getting lost in the amount of shit I have to do. It seems like I can never stop thinking about all of the things over and over.. Oh I need to send this fax. Oh I need to do this. BLAH BLAH BLAH FUCK! My mind is about to explode. Sometimes I get super frustrated because I can’t get my mind to stop running. I thought I was super sick for a while there then I saw my doctor and he told me I am just really stressed out. I feel like at 27 I shouldn’t have to be this stressed about life, money, bills and law suits. Its so weird because lately I keep telling myself I’m going to come in here and write and then I just fall asleep.

I am literally exhausted right now. I think I might be crashing from all of the caffeine I consumed this morning before work. I’m downloading my new Iphone software right now. I can’t wait to not even look at it because I have too much to do. I miss you guys. :(

xoxox

I honestly cannot believe that someone could be so stupid as to forge my signature on the back of a check and actually fucking spell my name wrong. I mean how big of an R-Tard could one be?

xoxox

In honor of Ri’ Ri’ buying tickets for us to go see some good old fashioned east coast complex guitar work and off-time polyrhythmic drumming/mathcore/metalcore I have made this work of art….

No big deal.

xoxox

I have really had the most ridiculous week ever. Dealing with insurance claims really is a huge pain in the ass. But, it seems as though my insurance company might just be worse than a yeast infection. (I mean that in the most lady like way of course.) To top all of that off it seems my friend Nick is mad at me because I have not been able to call him when I said I was going to. I apologized and explained that I have been under a lot of stress and it seems like every other day is something else with my car (s). Apparently, that is of no substance to him and I have been dismissed as his “friend.”

It’s 1:37 pm. I am currently making bets with myself on when exactly I am going to come to a breaking point today and I start slamming my head into my desk while uncontrollably crying. I mean at what point am I allowed to start crying? At what point am I allowed to show emotions and say, “I can’t take this anymore STOP.”

Dear Baby God, please grant me the ability to punch people in the face over the internet. This would help relieve a lot of my stress.

xoxox

Okay! Here’s the thing internet tubes… You know I hate celebrity gossip like more than anything in this world. If you’re an avid reader of mine you’ll remember when TMZ wouldn’t stop talking about Tiger Woods cheating… and then I wished another celebrity would die so I could stop hearing about his sex life…. coincidentally 4 hours later Britney Murphy is announced dead. My point is not that I have crazy Santaria Magician Powers…It’s that I really don’t give a shit if Tiger Woods is banging nasty hoes with missing teeth and pussies that look like shot gun wounds with gangrene. My point is why in the fuck does anyone give a shit about this crap?

For the last week my TV has been set to E! I don’t know why. I leave the TV on for Aidan so when I’m gone he doesn’t feel so alone. Every time I come home at 6:15am E! News or TMZ is on. Every fucking day I get to hear about how every one is so concerned for Lindsay Lohan. Every day I get to hear about Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson passive aggressively tweeting to each other. Every fucking day I get to hear about what Lindsay Lohan’s deadbeat Father is doing now. Every mother fucking fucktard day I get to hear about how Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson are BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH… BLLLLAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH (Don’t you dare tell me to change the channel because that’s too easy of an answer.) If I were in the place of Lindsay Lohan I think I’d have to hang myself to make all of this go away. Yo’ I’m fucking serious people! If she really does have a drug/alcohol problem all they’re doing is driving her over the edge. I mean doesn’t anyone learn anything from watching “Intervention” on A&E. I do! (I learned that if you inhale dust-off it feels like you’re walking on sunshine especially if you wish you had a dad.) If you force help onto people who don’t want it… you’re wasting your time and your breath. Furthermore, you’re just irritating the shit out of the person.

Now, as for the bit with Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson… It’s insanely obvious that Lindsay still has feelings for Samantha. Why do I say this? Well, because if she didn’t care she wouldn’t be posting those passive aggressive tweets. She would just ignore her. So here is my solution to the problem you two girls…. One of you needs to buy a “Feel-do” and you need to fuck the shit out of each others pussies…. squirt all over each other as if you were on the cast of “The Great American Squirt Off” and take your passive aggressive shit out on each others pussy. Then when you’re done and you can’t move and you have lady pee pee all over you… you can turn to each other and say… “Do you still hate me?” If one of you answers yes… Well, then you know it wasn’t meant to be and now it’s time to move on… (I hear Tiger Woods and Jesse James are single now… Thems some good pickins’ ladies.) But, if you both by this moment have forgave each other while in this sex driven euphoria… then I just fucking solved your problem, didn’t I? (say yes or I’ll slap you.)

(Also, be sure to tape said squirting lady bang and forward a copy to me so I can make sure it was executed correctly. Oh, and it won’t work unless you’re both wearing lots of high top sneakers. No, this isn’t a porn… this is therapy. If you’re really too shy to do it just bring Samantha Ronson to me and I’ll take care of it…)

(Fuck me in my Supras.)

Okay so now I’m going to move on to how I would handle the situation with my dad shit talking me all over TMZ… I would probably photoshop my fathers picture into a very intense tranny gay sex scene and then send it to TMZ… Or just slap him in the face.

Now, if all of this hasn’t solved the problems in Lindsay Lohan’s life…. I have one other thing that will do it all…..

Ready?
.
.
.
.
.
.
Eat More Fruit Snacks…

Idk… they make me happy…?!

Okay but in all seriousness… I really think that Lindsay needs to stay off of Twitter when she’s drunk/high or having bi-polar episodes. It’s really sad for me to see the things she just puts out on Twitter for the media to chew her alive like they do… It’s sad. Maybe if Samantha Ronson has sex with me it will make Lindsay Lohan not crazy? This is also a good idea!

Moving on…

Recently I’ve had the opportunity to recognize some habits that I have somehow adapted into my life are really unlike my usual behavior. First and foremost, I’ve been habitually late to mostly everything I do. It shits up my mind completely because before I moved to Los Angeles I used to be chronically early for anything and everything. I am now the exact opposite. I do realize that traffic tends to play a huge role in my tardiness. However, it is no excuse. I feel like it’s something I really want to work on to disappear from my habits. I really need to start paying attention to when traffic is at its worst and so forth.

Next, I’ve realized that I’ve been insanely organized with my bills and money I spend. I can say that I am very pleased with this habit. Prior to December 2009 I would say I was not as organized but I was beginning. In September was when the changes with that in my mind and thought process really started. I am sure at this point you are thinking, “Seriously, what the fuck is this girl thinking?” I’M NOT THINKING MOTHERFUCKER I’m just writing out my inner monologue.

I’m sure you hear me say this day in and day out but seriously…. My job is stressing me out! It’s starting to take over my life to the point where I don’t even feel like myself most of the time. I really know that soon I need to do something to relax and I mean really relax where I don’t have to worry about anything while I’m gone and come back to peace and quiet.

Soon… Soon…..

Anyways, I am over a friends house and I should probably go because I’m supposed to be pretending that I’m watching the Lakers game but you see that I’m not doing that…

xoxox

Hey, Hey, Hey! So, I’ve had a shit week dealing with the fact that my car was stolen and I was allegedly scammed by gypsies according to the captain of the LAPD I spoke with. I always thought gypsies were one of those people with the big earrings that have a crystal ball and you give them a quarter and they tell you your fortune. Apparently, in Los Angeles, they scam people to steal their cars and make money off of them. That’s just fucking brilliant, Los Angeles. This just so happens to be another one of those lessons you learn about never trusting anyone especially in Los Angeles.

On a positive note, I believe I will be getting my BMW back today. After so much drama and the adjuster not calling anyone back to sign off I spoke to his supervisor. They signed off today. I am supposed to go before 5pm to pick it up. I’m pretty much exhausted mentally. I feel that I’ve been focusing way too much of my energy on things that I really feel should not take that much priority in my life. I am really exhausted.

Lastly, I would like to announce that I am going to be a guest on the Bad Ass Frank blogtalkradio.com show. You’ll be able to hear me tonight, Friday, April 23, 2010 at 8:00 PM PST at http://blogtalkradio.com/BadAssFrank or by calling 718-508-9168 and listen from your phone. (You do not have to participate on the show if you call from your phone. You can just listen. However, if you want to ask me out on dates and stuff you’ll have to call and participate.) Apparently, we will be discussing internet dating. Internet dating happens to be a subject that I know far too much about. That being said… here is the synopsis written by my all time favorite man that I’ve never slept with…. Bad Ass Frank!!!

“Tonight on Episode 4 of The Bad Ass Frank Show, LIVE Internet Radio & Podcast, we’ll talk about internet dating and explain why it’s great for guys to get laid, but girls just end up getting fucked. Literally and figuratively. If you’re a chick who uses the internet to find a man, or is considering it, this is a show you must hear. If you’re a guy who wants to get laid with no effort at all, this is a show you’ll want to hear too.
We’ll cover meeting people through both dating sites and social networking sites, along with electronic communication (emails, text, instant messenger) and how it ruins your chance at love.” – Bad Ass Frank

Check out his blog at The Daily Bad Ass DOT com. I also have a link over in my blog roll for his site, too!

I hope that you guys are well and hopefully I’ll have better news to report later this weekend.

xoxox

I know I was talking all about the new guy in my office previously. Considering how much he actually shits up my nerves I might as well continue that conversation now. Here’s the thing… I think he means to be nice. Nevertheless, the problem is he’s so fucking obnoxious and annoying it just cancels it all out. He has to redo everything anyone does because he seems to think he’s the only one who knows how to do anything. The only existing problem with that is he’s a god damn moron so that cancels that out.

The other day he decided to join in on a conversation in the office that no one was even involving him in between Cameron (my homey.) and I. Cam said to me something about her computer not working properly. (That’s probably because no one has put virus protection on the computers and everyone in the damn office downloads stupid bullshit and 100 million toolbars and then I get to fix it later.) I told Cam that I would take a look at it in a minute but I was in the middle of doing sketchy things on the internet related to my job. Asshole decides he is some kind of computer technician and he comes over to Cam’s computer while she’s up in the restroom and opens the task manager. He said…”I can fix this.” I watch him toggle between tabs on the task manager and he stares at the CPU usage. At this point I am just sitting in my desk with my eyes wide open being even more critical than I usually am. (You know that’s bad because I’m kind of a critical cunt. I have high standards for everyone not only myself.)

(As I was typing that last sentence he emerged from his seat to stretch and make annoying noises like those that he always does. I have head phones on right now because if I take them off he will try to talk to me. I cannot have that.)

Anyway, so he closed the task manager and just sat back down and said nothing. I said in a completely condescending manner, “Did you fix it…?” Obviously I knew damn well he didn’t fix anything and he didn’t even know what he was looking at… He responded, “No, I need (something totally random and really not even needed to fix anything here.”

He’s so fucking full of shit. He has to challenge anything that anyone does. He has to be better at everything than anyone is. It’s the most ridiculous and cantankerous behavior I’ve ever laid eyes on.

I believe the most annoying thing he does in the office is when someone calls him in the back on his phone and asks for a code to activate the MLS. He will read the code in Spanish. Seriously, mother fucker? No one understands your polish/Russian/retarded accent already. How the fuck can you expect someone to understand all of that but then speaking it in Spanish a language the Pilipino girl you keep speaking to obviously does not speak. How do I know this? Well because Einstein, she asks you no less than 4 times every single time you do this to repeat yourself. Holy fucking shit! I know this is a really stupid topic to bring up inside of my blog. But, I’m going to be honest he drives me insane! I feel like I’m going insane right now. Every time I hear his voice or hear movement in his direction I get chills down my spine as if I heard someone kill an infant by strangulation.

The superamazinghandsomecrush is giving me shit right now for writing a blog about this. I think he’s just jealous he didn’t think about it first. He’s not in my office right now or I’d pinch the back of his neck and yell sternly, “That’s a bite!” Just like Ceaser Milan, the dog whisperer. I feel like that is the most efficient way to discipline men, children, dogs, women, and infants. However, not cats. Cats just bite back and that hurts. Their teeth are much pointier than the superamazinghandsomecrushes.

See Diagram:

My BMW is still not out of the shop. It was supposed to be finished yesterday. The body shop told me that the incorrect headlights were sent to them and they would not receive the correct ones until today at 3:00pm. At that time when the parts arrived they could place everything back together because all of the paint has been completed. Personally, I want to know the name and address of the person who fucked up that order and sent them the wrong headlights because I’m ready to choke someone the fuck out. I haven’t had my car the whole month of April. It’s the 20th! It has been 20 long days without my baby! Every time I call to the body shop some lady answers and transfers me to some man who has no idea what I am talking about at all. Then he will tell me I need to talk to Laura. However, every time I call Laura is not available. GIVE ME A BREAK AND GIVE ME MY FUCKING CAR!

Today is Guy’s birthday. It is also Hitler’s birthday. Is this a coincidence? I think not! Both are just as evil and manipulative in my eyes.

I’m probably going to start my period soon. Thus, may be the reason why I am a crazy cunt right now.
I’m going to go listen to the new guy talk about he can make Macros to fill out shit that takes 2 seconds to fill out on your own that doesn’t even have a the ability to have Macros enabled. I’ll also watch Cameron type to me all of her frustrations of this douche bag contesting to every fucking thing that was ever invented on the planet.

Take care of yourselves internets,

p.s. I owe you a long blog entry with tons of updates/good news but I have been too angry without my car and I’ve been having a little bit of bad luck the last few weeks passing. But, I made this picture for my amusement to share with all of you. :D

Those people really need to rethink inserting that photo into their email signature and sending it out.