Oh hello there. . . I hope that everything is okay with everyone. I had quite an adventure last night to say the least. It’s funny you know when you have this impression of someone that they are something that you want to see as a positive influence in your life and it turns out they really were not at all what you thought. Almost like a Mirage in the desert people describe in literature and Disney Movies. (Aladdin reference FTW.) It is to my understanding that a Mirage occurs due to total internal reflection of light. When the sun is high in the sky, the sand gets heated first and then the layers of air above it. The rays from the trees travel from an optically denser air layer to a rarer layer and hence bend away from the normal. This bending continues and a stage is reached where the angle of incidence becomes greater than the critical angle and total internal reflection takes place. The totally reflected rays that reach the eyes appear to come from a point on the ground where the image of the tree is formed. Thus one sees an inverted image of the tree though there is no water around. I found this picture describing it…. I’ll post it and get to my metaphor now.

In the diagram you’re looking at the lines of the different variations of temperature that cause one to be a part of the Mirage phenomenon. To me it’s like a brand new relationship with a person. It’s not just boyfriend and girlfriend I’m talking about either. I mean friendships and all relationships. We perceive a reflection where there is none. That is until you actually get up close and see the real person for what they are. This has been a painful process for me all of my life to learn how to judge better characters of people. To see warning signs before it’s too late. I am very self aware of most of my negative attributes to my make up. I make sure people perceive me as a total bitch and a hard ass… I do this to protect myself and weed out more people to hurt me more in the future. If I don’t look out for myself who else will? The thing is though.. underneath that exterior if you actually get through those walls… I’d give you anything I could within my power. I care way too much about people sometimes. I really need to work harder at addressing these issues within myself because if I end up with another 1 1/2 black eyes again because of a struggle that got out of hand… one of you mother fuckers is getting curb stomped American History X style. You think I’m joking? Try me.

xoxox