You should buy this house for me or from me…. either way it’s a good idea.

Sunday, August 1st 2010 from 12pm-5pm

xoxox

Okay! Here’s the thing internet tubes… You know I hate celebrity gossip like more than anything in this world. If you’re an avid reader of mine you’ll remember when TMZ wouldn’t stop talking about Tiger Woods cheating… and then I wished another celebrity would die so I could stop hearing about his sex life…. coincidentally 4 hours later Britney Murphy is announced dead. My point is not that I have crazy Santaria Magician Powers…It’s that I really don’t give a shit if Tiger Woods is banging nasty hoes with missing teeth and pussies that look like shot gun wounds with gangrene. My point is why in the fuck does anyone give a shit about this crap?

For the last week my TV has been set to E! I don’t know why. I leave the TV on for Aidan so when I’m gone he doesn’t feel so alone. Every time I come home at 6:15am E! News or TMZ is on. Every fucking day I get to hear about how every one is so concerned for Lindsay Lohan. Every day I get to hear about Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson passive aggressively tweeting to each other. Every fucking day I get to hear about what Lindsay Lohan’s deadbeat Father is doing now. Every mother fucking fucktard day I get to hear about how Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson are BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH… BLLLLAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH (Don’t you dare tell me to change the channel because that’s too easy of an answer.) If I were in the place of Lindsay Lohan I think I’d have to hang myself to make all of this go away. Yo’ I’m fucking serious people! If she really does have a drug/alcohol problem all they’re doing is driving her over the edge. I mean doesn’t anyone learn anything from watching “Intervention” on A&E. I do! (I learned that if you inhale dust-off it feels like you’re walking on sunshine especially if you wish you had a dad.) If you force help onto people who don’t want it… you’re wasting your time and your breath. Furthermore, you’re just irritating the shit out of the person.

Now, as for the bit with Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson… It’s insanely obvious that Lindsay still has feelings for Samantha. Why do I say this? Well, because if she didn’t care she wouldn’t be posting those passive aggressive tweets. She would just ignore her. So here is my solution to the problem you two girls…. One of you needs to buy a “Feel-do” and you need to fuck the shit out of each others pussies…. squirt all over each other as if you were on the cast of “The Great American Squirt Off” and take your passive aggressive shit out on each others pussy. Then when you’re done and you can’t move and you have lady pee pee all over you… you can turn to each other and say… “Do you still hate me?” If one of you answers yes… Well, then you know it wasn’t meant to be and now it’s time to move on… (I hear Tiger Woods and Jesse James are single now… Thems some good pickins’ ladies.) But, if you both by this moment have forgave each other while in this sex driven euphoria… then I just fucking solved your problem, didn’t I? (say yes or I’ll slap you.)

(Also, be sure to tape said squirting lady bang and forward a copy to me so I can make sure it was executed correctly. Oh, and it won’t work unless you’re both wearing lots of high top sneakers. No, this isn’t a porn… this is therapy. If you’re really too shy to do it just bring Samantha Ronson to me and I’ll take care of it…)

(Fuck me in my Supras.)

Okay so now I’m going to move on to how I would handle the situation with my dad shit talking me all over TMZ… I would probably photoshop my fathers picture into a very intense tranny gay sex scene and then send it to TMZ… Or just slap him in the face.

Now, if all of this hasn’t solved the problems in Lindsay Lohan’s life…. I have one other thing that will do it all…..

Ready?
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Eat More Fruit Snacks…

Idk… they make me happy…?!

Okay but in all seriousness… I really think that Lindsay needs to stay off of Twitter when she’s drunk/high or having bi-polar episodes. It’s really sad for me to see the things she just puts out on Twitter for the media to chew her alive like they do… It’s sad. Maybe if Samantha Ronson has sex with me it will make Lindsay Lohan not crazy? This is also a good idea!

Moving on…

Recently I’ve had the opportunity to recognize some habits that I have somehow adapted into my life are really unlike my usual behavior. First and foremost, I’ve been habitually late to mostly everything I do. It shits up my mind completely because before I moved to Los Angeles I used to be chronically early for anything and everything. I am now the exact opposite. I do realize that traffic tends to play a huge role in my tardiness. However, it is no excuse. I feel like it’s something I really want to work on to disappear from my habits. I really need to start paying attention to when traffic is at its worst and so forth.

Next, I’ve realized that I’ve been insanely organized with my bills and money I spend. I can say that I am very pleased with this habit. Prior to December 2009 I would say I was not as organized but I was beginning. In September was when the changes with that in my mind and thought process really started. I am sure at this point you are thinking, “Seriously, what the fuck is this girl thinking?” I’M NOT THINKING MOTHERFUCKER I’m just writing out my inner monologue.

I’m sure you hear me say this day in and day out but seriously…. My job is stressing me out! It’s starting to take over my life to the point where I don’t even feel like myself most of the time. I really know that soon I need to do something to relax and I mean really relax where I don’t have to worry about anything while I’m gone and come back to peace and quiet.

Soon… Soon…..

Anyways, I am over a friends house and I should probably go because I’m supposed to be pretending that I’m watching the Lakers game but you see that I’m not doing that…

xoxox

Hello World! I hope everyone is well. I wanted to kind of change up some things in here a little bit and write an entry where it focuses on some products that I have come to love that have helped change my life. I don’t mean to be dramatic but when your self esteem is more positive your life just seems to work a whole lot better.

Recently I finally was able to get health insurance. I know that it seems like such a small thing to be stoked about but when you have to pay 150-300 dollars for an office visit and then medication.. Shit, you become really stoked with something as simple as health insurance. The first day my health insurance was active I made an appointment with a dermatologist I found on Yelp! (Yes, a dermatologist. I have been suffering from moderate acne for the last 2 years. It fucking sucks.) The name? Dr. Douglas Hamilton M.D. . I have only seen one dermatologist before and he gave me Retin A for my acne. It just gave me this insane chemical burn. I hated using it. So naturally I was a little resistant to go see another doctor especially since that Rentin A cost me 80.00 dollars and I still have a full bottle in the bathroom. That shit sucks so bad I think about putting it on peoples faces that I hate so it burns their faces too! >:( Moving on… After I finished filling out all of the tedious paper work I went into my room awaiting Dr. Hamilton’s arrival. Once he came in the room he asked me about my problem. I told him and his intern (who was mildly attractive in the Jewish you’re going to be a dermatologist soon and completely loaded and so that makes you more attractive to my wallet which is located in my pants but I mean my vagina kind of attractive.) that the problem was I had started getting acne about 2 years ago. I explained that prior to that I never had any issues with my skin. I never did anything special to take care of my skin before. I washed my face with whatever shit I had in the shower. I never wore makeup. Girls used to envy my skin and tell me how amazing it was and how they wish they were born with my perfect Italian skin. Then 2 years ago I just started exploding with break outs. It got bad all over… on my chest.. on my face… on my back.. sometimes even on my scalp. I explained to Dr. Hamilton that it not only was painful and took forever to heal but it was really effecting the way I looked at myself. For the first time in my life I could not leave my house without makeup on because I was too embarrassed for people to see my acne and my dark spots where past acne was. The awesome thing was that he didn’t just give me medication and sent me on my way. He actually explained to me some causes of acne and what I was doing wrong and different solutions and WHY he was giving me the medication he was giving me and what else we will be doing in this on-going process to solve my issues. He told me that scientists don’t know a whole lot about acne and why it happens to some people exactly at 24 like it happened to me. He said that diet does not play a role in acne at all. He explained to me what acne was… which is fucking gross… But he didn’t say that. I did. So he asked me what I was doing to care for my skin before I had come to him. I explained to him my regiment. I used an all natural fruit oil vitamin a, e, and d cleanser. I used an alcohol free aloe based toner and cetaphil face lotion with two drops of jojoba oil. (I have SUPER dry skin and jojoba oil is amazing for your skin and acne as well.) I used to also use a scrub every other day with my clarisonic face brush. He told me my first problem was that I was doing way too much stuff to my face and I was irritating it which would also make me break out more. (Go figure!) He recommended a face wash to me that he sold inside of his office for a cheaper than retail price…. Behold all that is this amazing cleanser! Neova Herbal Wash made by ProCyte!!!

Secondly, he said he would like me to use a different moisturizer at night time in addition to my cetaphil and jojoba oil. It was formulated and made by Dr. Hamilton for his patients. It’s called “Ultra Lite Moisture Dew.”

In addition to those two being the ONLY THINGS I did to take care of my face I was also give 3 prescriptions. I was so skeptical when he said I was to only do that. AND to wash my face I used JUST MY HANDS for 15 seconds then use tons of water to rise with not too hot, but warmer. He said if my face broke out I could use a hot wash cloth and put it on the affected area to steam it. I’m telling you I was like… Man this is a waste of time. No way in hell this is going to work. . .

The prescriptions I was given were:

Acanya gel.

I was to apply that in the morning after 20 minutes after I washed my face. Then 20 minutes after that I could moisturize.

Next, I was given something I had heard about on TV but never used…

Differin gel 0.3%

The last step to my process of healing my face and body was for oral use… (Heh, Oral.)

Oracea 40MG Once Daily 20 minutes before food intake with one glass of water. #FML

Dr. Hamilton suggested this because it not only helps with acne from the inside out but it also helps people with rosacea. Which P.S. I totally have. I’ve always had these red undertones on my face my whole life. Who knew there was a cure for that. I just thought I was red all the time because that’s just how I was. Whoops. I mean I knew rosacea was a real thing… But, I didn’t know what it looked like in a mild case. I had always seen the most extreme cases.

Finally, Dr. Hamilton said I need to discontinue using the MAC makeup I grew to love and switch to a mineral makeup. If I was going to be in the house I would have to not wear anything and let my skin breathe. I didn’t really like when he said that and I said.. NO I NEED SOMETHING THAT COVERS THIS SHIT OR I LOOK LIKE A MONSTER! He laughed. When I was in the office I was pretty broken out. It was bad. I thought it was because I got that clean and clear black head eraser which made my blackheads on my nose disappear but then like 1 week later I got huge zits all over my face and they all turned into scabs and hurt really bad. My back was broken out too! It was disgusting and super painful. I followed his regiment suggested even though I had serious doubts. After the first night of use I had awoken the next morning to a face and back that was DRAMATICALLY clearer. I was amazed. My skin was drying out very fast though. On the 3rd day I came to work with no makeup on because my face was super dry and I tried to put makeup on but I just had snake face. It really sucked. I took my makeup off and put a shit ton of that moisture dew shit with a shit ton of jojoba oil on… I let it soak in all day. I didn’t wash my face with soap that day either… Just water. I was super embarrassed and when I walked into work I kept my hood up. Someone stopped me and said… “Oh my god.. look how clear your face is.. what are you doing differently?” I kind of smiled and just went on my way. By my 5th day of treatment I had discontinued using both products in one day and kind of switched it up to alternating days. Only because I really have dry and sensitive skin and that shit HURTS! The alternating seemed to really help the dryness. That evening I went over to my friend Ryan’s house and he complimented me on my skin and how much better it looked. He said he felt bad for how broken out I was before that because he used to suffer with acne too… I was kind of glad I didn’t have to feel like a weirdo.. you know acne is kind of embarrassing at least to me.. I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy. It does horrible things to your self esteem and confidence levels.

The last changes I had to make in my skin care were to stop using my good old MAC makeup… Oh boy, I was SOOOO NOT happy about this. I did research every night on what were the best Mineral foundations and powders… and blushes… and primers… All that lady stuff… Ill spare you the details and tell you what I went with…

For a face primer and all around lazy day thing I went with: Philosophy The Supernatural Poreless, Flawless tinted SPF.

I have only two words to review this product… : FUCKING AMAZING!

My Foundation I chose….: Philosophy: The Supernatural airbrushed canvas with SPF 15

Additionally, I got blush from the same line by Philosophy as well as the lipgloss:

When I first put that powder on I was thinking to myself…”This shit better work because for 35 dollars I could have eaten the whole week… I swear Ill kill that god damn doctor if this doesn’t work..”

I put a little dab on a brush and swirled it around my entire face 3 times. I put the brush down and opened my eyes… I looked in the mirror and said to myself..”Holy fucking shit… THIS IS THE BEST KEPT SECRET IN MAKEUP AND SKIN CARE!”

It takes me 15 minutes to get ready now as opposed to the 60 + it took me before. 5 of those 15 minutes are me getting dressed. I’m not even kidding you. This shit doesn’t even feel like its on your face. You literally feel like you have no makeup on and your skin looks FLAWLESS! It was by far worth every fucking penny.

So, that’s it peoples. That’s my review of these things that I love. They are amazing. Dr. Hamilton is amazing… and if you live in Los Angeles he has an office in Beverly Hills and in Woodland Hills. He published a book which I got a copy of called, “Beverly Hills Beauty Secrets by Douglas Hamilton: A Prominent Dermatologist and Plastic Surgeon’s Insider Guide to Facial Rejuvenation.”

Next time I am going to review the AbCircle Pro. That should be fun! We’ll make this a regular thing in my blog… Things I like: Because I am self absorbed. :)

Also, here is a picture of my face with just that powder on it… Just look how amazing it is… :) My face.. Not the makeup.. JUST KIDDING!! ;) Or am I?

xoxox

P.S. Feel free to purchase me any of these things off of my wishlist or a sephora gift card then I can go buy it myself :) That’d be awesome!!!

I’m trying to understand all of this monogamy talk with the Tiger Woods crap all over the news. If 90% of women would just realize that Humans are not made to be monogamous creatures and sometimes their men just like to sample other flavors sometimes. I think they’d all be a lot happier. Maybe if Tiger’s wife just offered to play with the other flavor as well this story wouldn’t be shitting up my TV at 7 am. Out of 4,000 species only a handful of them are actually monogamous (i.e. The tiny list includes beavers and a couple of other rodents, otters, bats, certain foxes, a few hoofed mammals, and some primates) Women need to sack it up and realize that insecurity is totally unbecoming. They also need to stop being so stuck up and not be afraid to take in the butt and make out with another chick once in a while. There is no shame in being a lady in the street and a freak in the sheets. Just sayin’ < / rant>

Ain’t nothin’ wrong with sampling all of the different flavors of the kool-aid. If you’re anything like me you always end up back at what tried and true.