Would adopt

How’s everyone doing?
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(pause for all answers)

Let me tell you about my week. Monday: I don’t remember. Tuesday: I was dumped over the phone by Rian while I was at work wiping a virus off of Marty’s computer. Then I went for the shittiest massage I’ve ever had in my life where I was in pain when I left. Shortly after that I drove to Rian’s to get some of my belongings that were at his house. I then carried 8 bags full of my crap to my car with my sore back. I got really angry at Rian. I then hit myself in the face with my bike’s handlebars. (it hurt.) I broke out in a rash from the green shit that the massage therapist put all over my body. Weds: woke up with a really sore jaw and mouth. I couldn’t eat anything because my teeth were very sensitive. Thursday: Again I couldn’t eat anything because my mouth was in pain. However, the pain was even worse than Weds. Friday: even more pain then earlier. No solid food again… except this time my jaw is locked in an open position on and off. Then it’s locked shut and I can’t open it. I go to the dentist and find out…. I am a “grinder.” I was grinding my teeth in my sleep from so much stress on Tuesday. (My Dentists words not mine.) I chipped/cracked two of my teeth and left an exposed nerve. I had the exposed nerve removed. I got fit for a mouth guard. (so sexy.) I had my chips/cracks sealed. I also learned I have TMJ. He wrote me a script for Flexeril and Motrin. Here’s the best part. I then went and got tattooed. It hurt. Then my muscle relaxers kicked in.

Flexeril is like being in Atlantis in Dubai in my mind 24 hours a day 7 days a week. :D

I feel pretty safe saying I’ve had a pretty shitty week. Usually I would be dwelling in my misery on Saturday’s. I’m not though because Flexeril is amazing. I’m so surprised that with my past prescription drug abuse history that I have never used this. It seems to be helping my jaw too. :)

My housekeeper is here right now cleaning my apartment. I’m usually not here when she’s here. However, given the present circumstances I am here. I am also stuck here. (since I can’t drive. ) I feel like the laziest person in the world watching her clean while being stuck in bed. I keep getting up and helping her and she keeps telling me to sit down. (probably because I stumble out of bed.) Oh well. That’s life right? We have our ups and downs. It’s all on how we bounce back from them that matters. Shit…. At least I’ll have a clean house. :D

I need to stop typing because I’m not making any sense.

oh and here is a photo of me going to Nick’s art gallery opening….

Here is a photos of Cam & I at the opening..

Finally here I am next to a photo Nick took of me and put in his gallery…

It was so hot in the gallery that by the time that photo was taken I had thrown my hair in a pony tail and my makeup had melted off… hahaha..

xoxox

You should buy this house for me or from me…. either way it’s a good idea.

Sunday, August 1st 2010 from 12pm-5pm

xoxox

I honestly love Zach Galifianakis and Steve Carrell.

Special thanks to Aziz Ansari for posting this. He’s another one of those comedians I love.

Speaking of comedians. . . How fucked up is it that Rainn Wilson (Better known as Dwight from the office.) posted a photo that Mr Jordan Rubin (Better known as one of my favorite comedy writers and comedians/friends that ignore me more often then my cat.) had made/posted…

There is the picture…

so the other day Mr. Dwight Rainn posted it and didn’t give Jor credit. :(

However, he at least redeemed himself with me because he did publicly apologize (after John Mayer called him out via John Mayer blog.. influenced? Who knows.)

I thought that was really cool of him to @ reply Jordan in there. It warmed my dead black heart a little bit.

I know what it’s like to struggle in Hollywood (under different circumstances of course.. I’m not fancy comedian.) and I really feel like Jordan deserved the credit for that. After all it was hilarious! Anyways, I really need to get to work. I thought maybe I’d drop by since I’m never around. Whoops.

Hey Jordan Rubin keep up the good work. We all think you’re awesome and hilarious. (well I can’t really speak for EVERYONE but.. I think you’re awesome and hilarious and since #theworldrevolvesaroundme that’s the only thing that actually matters.)

P.s.

I will now post a photograph of me driving to work because all I do is drive back and forth to work…. (at least its what it feels like.)

xoxox

I am on my mandatory lunch break right now. I’m a little tired and I want to take a nap. I am also dreaming about ice cream right now. I have no idea why. Shark week no doubt.

I must admit since my IUD was taken out this is my first “lady time.” It’s not as bad as it used to be. Thank God for that!

I really want to go Shark Diving somewhere. This is something I am going to put on my dream board. It’s going to be awesome.

Anyways, I really have to get back to work right now. I will talk to you guys later.

xoxox

P.S.

I honestly cannot believe that someone could be so stupid as to forge my signature on the back of a check and actually fucking spell my name wrong. I mean how big of an R-Tard could one be?

xoxox

In honor of Ri’ Ri’ buying tickets for us to go see some good old fashioned east coast complex guitar work and off-time polyrhythmic drumming/mathcore/metalcore I have made this work of art….

No big deal.

xoxox

I have really had the most ridiculous week ever. Dealing with insurance claims really is a huge pain in the ass. But, it seems as though my insurance company might just be worse than a yeast infection. (I mean that in the most lady like way of course.) To top all of that off it seems my friend Nick is mad at me because I have not been able to call him when I said I was going to. I apologized and explained that I have been under a lot of stress and it seems like every other day is something else with my car (s). Apparently, that is of no substance to him and I have been dismissed as his “friend.”

It’s 1:37 pm. I am currently making bets with myself on when exactly I am going to come to a breaking point today and I start slamming my head into my desk while uncontrollably crying. I mean at what point am I allowed to start crying? At what point am I allowed to show emotions and say, “I can’t take this anymore STOP.”

Dear Baby God, please grant me the ability to punch people in the face over the internet. This would help relieve a lot of my stress.

xoxox

I know I was talking all about the new guy in my office previously. Considering how much he actually shits up my nerves I might as well continue that conversation now. Here’s the thing… I think he means to be nice. Nevertheless, the problem is he’s so fucking obnoxious and annoying it just cancels it all out. He has to redo everything anyone does because he seems to think he’s the only one who knows how to do anything. The only existing problem with that is he’s a god damn moron so that cancels that out.

The other day he decided to join in on a conversation in the office that no one was even involving him in between Cameron (my homey.) and I. Cam said to me something about her computer not working properly. (That’s probably because no one has put virus protection on the computers and everyone in the damn office downloads stupid bullshit and 100 million toolbars and then I get to fix it later.) I told Cam that I would take a look at it in a minute but I was in the middle of doing sketchy things on the internet related to my job. Asshole decides he is some kind of computer technician and he comes over to Cam’s computer while she’s up in the restroom and opens the task manager. He said…”I can fix this.” I watch him toggle between tabs on the task manager and he stares at the CPU usage. At this point I am just sitting in my desk with my eyes wide open being even more critical than I usually am. (You know that’s bad because I’m kind of a critical cunt. I have high standards for everyone not only myself.)

(As I was typing that last sentence he emerged from his seat to stretch and make annoying noises like those that he always does. I have head phones on right now because if I take them off he will try to talk to me. I cannot have that.)

Anyway, so he closed the task manager and just sat back down and said nothing. I said in a completely condescending manner, “Did you fix it…?” Obviously I knew damn well he didn’t fix anything and he didn’t even know what he was looking at… He responded, “No, I need (something totally random and really not even needed to fix anything here.”

He’s so fucking full of shit. He has to challenge anything that anyone does. He has to be better at everything than anyone is. It’s the most ridiculous and cantankerous behavior I’ve ever laid eyes on.

I believe the most annoying thing he does in the office is when someone calls him in the back on his phone and asks for a code to activate the MLS. He will read the code in Spanish. Seriously, mother fucker? No one understands your polish/Russian/retarded accent already. How the fuck can you expect someone to understand all of that but then speaking it in Spanish a language the Pilipino girl you keep speaking to obviously does not speak. How do I know this? Well because Einstein, she asks you no less than 4 times every single time you do this to repeat yourself. Holy fucking shit! I know this is a really stupid topic to bring up inside of my blog. But, I’m going to be honest he drives me insane! I feel like I’m going insane right now. Every time I hear his voice or hear movement in his direction I get chills down my spine as if I heard someone kill an infant by strangulation.

The superamazinghandsomecrush is giving me shit right now for writing a blog about this. I think he’s just jealous he didn’t think about it first. He’s not in my office right now or I’d pinch the back of his neck and yell sternly, “That’s a bite!” Just like Ceaser Milan, the dog whisperer. I feel like that is the most efficient way to discipline men, children, dogs, women, and infants. However, not cats. Cats just bite back and that hurts. Their teeth are much pointier than the superamazinghandsomecrushes.

See Diagram:

My BMW is still not out of the shop. It was supposed to be finished yesterday. The body shop told me that the incorrect headlights were sent to them and they would not receive the correct ones until today at 3:00pm. At that time when the parts arrived they could place everything back together because all of the paint has been completed. Personally, I want to know the name and address of the person who fucked up that order and sent them the wrong headlights because I’m ready to choke someone the fuck out. I haven’t had my car the whole month of April. It’s the 20th! It has been 20 long days without my baby! Every time I call to the body shop some lady answers and transfers me to some man who has no idea what I am talking about at all. Then he will tell me I need to talk to Laura. However, every time I call Laura is not available. GIVE ME A BREAK AND GIVE ME MY FUCKING CAR!

Today is Guy’s birthday. It is also Hitler’s birthday. Is this a coincidence? I think not! Both are just as evil and manipulative in my eyes.

I’m probably going to start my period soon. Thus, may be the reason why I am a crazy cunt right now.
I’m going to go listen to the new guy talk about he can make Macros to fill out shit that takes 2 seconds to fill out on your own that doesn’t even have a the ability to have Macros enabled. I’ll also watch Cameron type to me all of her frustrations of this douche bag contesting to every fucking thing that was ever invented on the planet.

Take care of yourselves internets,

p.s. I owe you a long blog entry with tons of updates/good news but I have been too angry without my car and I’ve been having a little bit of bad luck the last few weeks passing. But, I made this picture for my amusement to share with all of you. :D

Those people really need to rethink inserting that photo into their email signature and sending it out.