How’s everyone doing?
.
.
.
.
.
(pause for all answers)

Let me tell you about my week. Monday: I don’t remember. Tuesday: I was dumped over the phone by Rian while I was at work wiping a virus off of Marty’s computer. Then I went for the shittiest massage I’ve ever had in my life where I was in pain when I left. Shortly after that I drove to Rian’s to get some of my belongings that were at his house. I then carried 8 bags full of my crap to my car with my sore back. I got really angry at Rian. I then hit myself in the face with my bike’s handlebars. (it hurt.) I broke out in a rash from the green shit that the massage therapist put all over my body. Weds: woke up with a really sore jaw and mouth. I couldn’t eat anything because my teeth were very sensitive. Thursday: Again I couldn’t eat anything because my mouth was in pain. However, the pain was even worse than Weds. Friday: even more pain then earlier. No solid food again… except this time my jaw is locked in an open position on and off. Then it’s locked shut and I can’t open it. I go to the dentist and find out…. I am a “grinder.” I was grinding my teeth in my sleep from so much stress on Tuesday. (My Dentists words not mine.) I chipped/cracked two of my teeth and left an exposed nerve. I had the exposed nerve removed. I got fit for a mouth guard. (so sexy.) I had my chips/cracks sealed. I also learned I have TMJ. He wrote me a script for Flexeril and Motrin. Here’s the best part. I then went and got tattooed. It hurt. Then my muscle relaxers kicked in.

Flexeril is like being in Atlantis in Dubai in my mind 24 hours a day 7 days a week. :D

I feel pretty safe saying I’ve had a pretty shitty week. Usually I would be dwelling in my misery on Saturday’s. I’m not though because Flexeril is amazing. I’m so surprised that with my past prescription drug abuse history that I have never used this. It seems to be helping my jaw too. :)

My housekeeper is here right now cleaning my apartment. I’m usually not here when she’s here. However, given the present circumstances I am here. I am also stuck here. (since I can’t drive. ) I feel like the laziest person in the world watching her clean while being stuck in bed. I keep getting up and helping her and she keeps telling me to sit down. (probably because I stumble out of bed.) Oh well. That’s life right? We have our ups and downs. It’s all on how we bounce back from them that matters. Shit…. At least I’ll have a clean house. :D

I need to stop typing because I’m not making any sense.

oh and here is a photo of me going to Nick’s art gallery opening….

Here is a photos of Cam & I at the opening..

Finally here I am next to a photo Nick took of me and put in his gallery…

It was so hot in the gallery that by the time that photo was taken I had thrown my hair in a pony tail and my makeup had melted off… hahaha..

xoxox

I find that I am completely distracted in trying to write. It’s like when I start driving I get these amazing ideas to write about and I start planning it out in my head. Then it comes to actually executing the ideas and I get distracted like right now… Rian came in and started asking me what I was writing about… I answered.. Then he asked..”what do you mean?” Now hes pushing a bunch of change around and I CANNOT FUCKING FOCUS! I just want to write! I have so much to say and it’s impossible for me to get out because I cannot fucking focus!

I honestly cannot believe that someone could be so stupid as to forge my signature on the back of a check and actually fucking spell my name wrong. I mean how big of an R-Tard could one be?

xoxox

I have really had the most ridiculous week ever. Dealing with insurance claims really is a huge pain in the ass. But, it seems as though my insurance company might just be worse than a yeast infection. (I mean that in the most lady like way of course.) To top all of that off it seems my friend Nick is mad at me because I have not been able to call him when I said I was going to. I apologized and explained that I have been under a lot of stress and it seems like every other day is something else with my car (s). Apparently, that is of no substance to him and I have been dismissed as his “friend.”

It’s 1:37 pm. I am currently making bets with myself on when exactly I am going to come to a breaking point today and I start slamming my head into my desk while uncontrollably crying. I mean at what point am I allowed to start crying? At what point am I allowed to show emotions and say, “I can’t take this anymore STOP.”

Dear Baby God, please grant me the ability to punch people in the face over the internet. This would help relieve a lot of my stress.

xoxox

Okay! Here’s the thing internet tubes… You know I hate celebrity gossip like more than anything in this world. If you’re an avid reader of mine you’ll remember when TMZ wouldn’t stop talking about Tiger Woods cheating… and then I wished another celebrity would die so I could stop hearing about his sex life…. coincidentally 4 hours later Britney Murphy is announced dead. My point is not that I have crazy Santaria Magician Powers…It’s that I really don’t give a shit if Tiger Woods is banging nasty hoes with missing teeth and pussies that look like shot gun wounds with gangrene. My point is why in the fuck does anyone give a shit about this crap?

For the last week my TV has been set to E! I don’t know why. I leave the TV on for Aidan so when I’m gone he doesn’t feel so alone. Every time I come home at 6:15am E! News or TMZ is on. Every fucking day I get to hear about how every one is so concerned for Lindsay Lohan. Every day I get to hear about Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson passive aggressively tweeting to each other. Every fucking day I get to hear about what Lindsay Lohan’s deadbeat Father is doing now. Every mother fucking fucktard day I get to hear about how Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson are BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH… BLLLLAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH (Don’t you dare tell me to change the channel because that’s too easy of an answer.) If I were in the place of Lindsay Lohan I think I’d have to hang myself to make all of this go away. Yo’ I’m fucking serious people! If she really does have a drug/alcohol problem all they’re doing is driving her over the edge. I mean doesn’t anyone learn anything from watching “Intervention” on A&E. I do! (I learned that if you inhale dust-off it feels like you’re walking on sunshine especially if you wish you had a dad.) If you force help onto people who don’t want it… you’re wasting your time and your breath. Furthermore, you’re just irritating the shit out of the person.

Now, as for the bit with Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson… It’s insanely obvious that Lindsay still has feelings for Samantha. Why do I say this? Well, because if she didn’t care she wouldn’t be posting those passive aggressive tweets. She would just ignore her. So here is my solution to the problem you two girls…. One of you needs to buy a “Feel-do” and you need to fuck the shit out of each others pussies…. squirt all over each other as if you were on the cast of “The Great American Squirt Off” and take your passive aggressive shit out on each others pussy. Then when you’re done and you can’t move and you have lady pee pee all over you… you can turn to each other and say… “Do you still hate me?” If one of you answers yes… Well, then you know it wasn’t meant to be and now it’s time to move on… (I hear Tiger Woods and Jesse James are single now… Thems some good pickins’ ladies.) But, if you both by this moment have forgave each other while in this sex driven euphoria… then I just fucking solved your problem, didn’t I? (say yes or I’ll slap you.)

(Also, be sure to tape said squirting lady bang and forward a copy to me so I can make sure it was executed correctly. Oh, and it won’t work unless you’re both wearing lots of high top sneakers. No, this isn’t a porn… this is therapy. If you’re really too shy to do it just bring Samantha Ronson to me and I’ll take care of it…)

(Fuck me in my Supras.)

Okay so now I’m going to move on to how I would handle the situation with my dad shit talking me all over TMZ… I would probably photoshop my fathers picture into a very intense tranny gay sex scene and then send it to TMZ… Or just slap him in the face.

Now, if all of this hasn’t solved the problems in Lindsay Lohan’s life…. I have one other thing that will do it all…..

Ready?
.
.
.
.
.
.
Eat More Fruit Snacks…

Idk… they make me happy…?!

Okay but in all seriousness… I really think that Lindsay needs to stay off of Twitter when she’s drunk/high or having bi-polar episodes. It’s really sad for me to see the things she just puts out on Twitter for the media to chew her alive like they do… It’s sad. Maybe if Samantha Ronson has sex with me it will make Lindsay Lohan not crazy? This is also a good idea!

Moving on…

Recently I’ve had the opportunity to recognize some habits that I have somehow adapted into my life are really unlike my usual behavior. First and foremost, I’ve been habitually late to mostly everything I do. It shits up my mind completely because before I moved to Los Angeles I used to be chronically early for anything and everything. I am now the exact opposite. I do realize that traffic tends to play a huge role in my tardiness. However, it is no excuse. I feel like it’s something I really want to work on to disappear from my habits. I really need to start paying attention to when traffic is at its worst and so forth.

Next, I’ve realized that I’ve been insanely organized with my bills and money I spend. I can say that I am very pleased with this habit. Prior to December 2009 I would say I was not as organized but I was beginning. In September was when the changes with that in my mind and thought process really started. I am sure at this point you are thinking, “Seriously, what the fuck is this girl thinking?” I’M NOT THINKING MOTHERFUCKER I’m just writing out my inner monologue.

I’m sure you hear me say this day in and day out but seriously…. My job is stressing me out! It’s starting to take over my life to the point where I don’t even feel like myself most of the time. I really know that soon I need to do something to relax and I mean really relax where I don’t have to worry about anything while I’m gone and come back to peace and quiet.

Soon… Soon…..

Anyways, I am over a friends house and I should probably go because I’m supposed to be pretending that I’m watching the Lakers game but you see that I’m not doing that…

xoxox

I know I was talking all about the new guy in my office previously. Considering how much he actually shits up my nerves I might as well continue that conversation now. Here’s the thing… I think he means to be nice. Nevertheless, the problem is he’s so fucking obnoxious and annoying it just cancels it all out. He has to redo everything anyone does because he seems to think he’s the only one who knows how to do anything. The only existing problem with that is he’s a god damn moron so that cancels that out.

The other day he decided to join in on a conversation in the office that no one was even involving him in between Cameron (my homey.) and I. Cam said to me something about her computer not working properly. (That’s probably because no one has put virus protection on the computers and everyone in the damn office downloads stupid bullshit and 100 million toolbars and then I get to fix it later.) I told Cam that I would take a look at it in a minute but I was in the middle of doing sketchy things on the internet related to my job. Asshole decides he is some kind of computer technician and he comes over to Cam’s computer while she’s up in the restroom and opens the task manager. He said…”I can fix this.” I watch him toggle between tabs on the task manager and he stares at the CPU usage. At this point I am just sitting in my desk with my eyes wide open being even more critical than I usually am. (You know that’s bad because I’m kind of a critical cunt. I have high standards for everyone not only myself.)

(As I was typing that last sentence he emerged from his seat to stretch and make annoying noises like those that he always does. I have head phones on right now because if I take them off he will try to talk to me. I cannot have that.)

Anyway, so he closed the task manager and just sat back down and said nothing. I said in a completely condescending manner, “Did you fix it…?” Obviously I knew damn well he didn’t fix anything and he didn’t even know what he was looking at… He responded, “No, I need (something totally random and really not even needed to fix anything here.”

He’s so fucking full of shit. He has to challenge anything that anyone does. He has to be better at everything than anyone is. It’s the most ridiculous and cantankerous behavior I’ve ever laid eyes on.

I believe the most annoying thing he does in the office is when someone calls him in the back on his phone and asks for a code to activate the MLS. He will read the code in Spanish. Seriously, mother fucker? No one understands your polish/Russian/retarded accent already. How the fuck can you expect someone to understand all of that but then speaking it in Spanish a language the Pilipino girl you keep speaking to obviously does not speak. How do I know this? Well because Einstein, she asks you no less than 4 times every single time you do this to repeat yourself. Holy fucking shit! I know this is a really stupid topic to bring up inside of my blog. But, I’m going to be honest he drives me insane! I feel like I’m going insane right now. Every time I hear his voice or hear movement in his direction I get chills down my spine as if I heard someone kill an infant by strangulation.

The superamazinghandsomecrush is giving me shit right now for writing a blog about this. I think he’s just jealous he didn’t think about it first. He’s not in my office right now or I’d pinch the back of his neck and yell sternly, “That’s a bite!” Just like Ceaser Milan, the dog whisperer. I feel like that is the most efficient way to discipline men, children, dogs, women, and infants. However, not cats. Cats just bite back and that hurts. Their teeth are much pointier than the superamazinghandsomecrushes.

See Diagram:

My BMW is still not out of the shop. It was supposed to be finished yesterday. The body shop told me that the incorrect headlights were sent to them and they would not receive the correct ones until today at 3:00pm. At that time when the parts arrived they could place everything back together because all of the paint has been completed. Personally, I want to know the name and address of the person who fucked up that order and sent them the wrong headlights because I’m ready to choke someone the fuck out. I haven’t had my car the whole month of April. It’s the 20th! It has been 20 long days without my baby! Every time I call to the body shop some lady answers and transfers me to some man who has no idea what I am talking about at all. Then he will tell me I need to talk to Laura. However, every time I call Laura is not available. GIVE ME A BREAK AND GIVE ME MY FUCKING CAR!

Today is Guy’s birthday. It is also Hitler’s birthday. Is this a coincidence? I think not! Both are just as evil and manipulative in my eyes.

I’m probably going to start my period soon. Thus, may be the reason why I am a crazy cunt right now.
I’m going to go listen to the new guy talk about he can make Macros to fill out shit that takes 2 seconds to fill out on your own that doesn’t even have a the ability to have Macros enabled. I’ll also watch Cameron type to me all of her frustrations of this douche bag contesting to every fucking thing that was ever invented on the planet.

Take care of yourselves internets,

p.s. I owe you a long blog entry with tons of updates/good news but I have been too angry without my car and I’ve been having a little bit of bad luck the last few weeks passing. But, I made this picture for my amusement to share with all of you. :D

Those people really need to rethink inserting that photo into their email signature and sending it out.

I’ve kind of been M.I.A. lately off living my life. Let me put you up to speed in the antics that have been…
While my old car was on the market listed to be sold… It was stolen. The day I found it I located it by GPS and also by disabling my starter on my old car and driving with my new car to the middle of the hood in Hollywood. On the way home from looking at the damages to my old car… my new car….
I bought a BMW remember? My first real car? I mean like a luxury vehicle? It’s amazing…

Or was I should say because about 2 weeks before I made my first payment… some 18 year old smashed his fucking retarded Toyota Matrix into my BMW because he wasn’t aware of the laws set fourth regarding YIELDING TO ONCOMING TRAFFIC.

Right there at 3rd St & Highland this dummy just failed to yield while attempting to turn. Do you have any idea what it feels like to have your 2 week old BMW’s front end scraped off by a Toyota that drove away fine from the collision? It fucking sucks. It sucks a lot. Nevertheless that’s life, you know? The show will always go on whether you choose to or not.

The day after my accident I went to Las Vegas with the superamazinghandsomecrush. I had a good time with him. I feel confident/bratty enough to answer for him and say he had a good time, also, because I do what I want.

I saw Aidan’s brother and sister in Las Vegas, too!

They were just as sleepy as I was the whole time too.

Thesuperamazinghandsomecrush asked me not to post pictures of him on here… (I think that’s because he doesn’t want all of your to see how amazingly hot he is and get like really sad about how you’ll never look like him. But, I told him all of my readers were really nice. Oh, well.)
So, on that note I have for you a picture of me that I took for my superamazinghandsomecrush….

Woo Hoo… The sun in Vegas gave me a sweet chemical burn on my face. It was sweet. Thank God it’s gone now!

So, while my beautiful car is in the shop I have a rental. I have a Prius for a rental. I hate this stupid Prius. It has a shitty sound system. It’s slow as shit. It’s like a really slow spaceship with awesome gas mileage. What the fuck is up with that? I have been bitching about it for over a week on Twitter. Every time I get in it I think…”This thing smells like a compost pile.” wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Seriously, I need to get back to work… But I obviously took a picture of myself this morning so I will post it….

Love you guys I can’t wait to go to sleep.

(Oh… I tried “The Bacon Donut” yesterday at breakfast… I hate to say this… but I really was NOT a fan… But my breakfast was absolutely fabulous!)

(P.S.S. Superamazinghandsomecrush and I spotted some Banksy in Hollywood last night… he took an amazing picture of it….)

OKAY NOW I’M DONE!

xoxox

Srsly? Bacon Donut? This is further proof that Jim Gaffigan was right when he said bacon makes everything better. That thing looks amazing.

When I was hanging out with my density, supercrush. (Not to be confused with Jenny Demilo’s supercrush, again. Two different people.) He said… “Have you ever had a bacon donut?” My mouth immediately watered. I wonder if they have bacon wrapped hot wings? DON’T STEAL MY IDEA MOTHER FUCKERS. BACON WRAPPED HOT WINGS! NOM NOM NOM NOM!

Oh hello there. . . I hope that everything is okay with everyone. I had quite an adventure last night to say the least. It’s funny you know when you have this impression of someone that they are something that you want to see as a positive influence in your life and it turns out they really were not at all what you thought. Almost like a Mirage in the desert people describe in literature and Disney Movies. (Aladdin reference FTW.) It is to my understanding that a Mirage occurs due to total internal reflection of light. When the sun is high in the sky, the sand gets heated first and then the layers of air above it. The rays from the trees travel from an optically denser air layer to a rarer layer and hence bend away from the normal. This bending continues and a stage is reached where the angle of incidence becomes greater than the critical angle and total internal reflection takes place. The totally reflected rays that reach the eyes appear to come from a point on the ground where the image of the tree is formed. Thus one sees an inverted image of the tree though there is no water around. I found this picture describing it…. I’ll post it and get to my metaphor now.

In the diagram you’re looking at the lines of the different variations of temperature that cause one to be a part of the Mirage phenomenon. To me it’s like a brand new relationship with a person. It’s not just boyfriend and girlfriend I’m talking about either. I mean friendships and all relationships. We perceive a reflection where there is none. That is until you actually get up close and see the real person for what they are. This has been a painful process for me all of my life to learn how to judge better characters of people. To see warning signs before it’s too late. I am very self aware of most of my negative attributes to my make up. I make sure people perceive me as a total bitch and a hard ass… I do this to protect myself and weed out more people to hurt me more in the future. If I don’t look out for myself who else will? The thing is though.. underneath that exterior if you actually get through those walls… I’d give you anything I could within my power. I care way too much about people sometimes. I really need to work harder at addressing these issues within myself because if I end up with another 1 1/2 black eyes again because of a struggle that got out of hand… one of you mother fuckers is getting curb stomped American History X style. You think I’m joking? Try me.

xoxox

A few weeks ago this both handsome and adorable gentleman that I know updated his blog with a picture that he drew. (side note: he’s amazingly talented.)

So, ever since I lurked his blog to find that photo… Every time I see a stupid Del Taco commercial or sign about crispy shrimp tacos I think about him. However, that’s another story and not for this blog.

My mind works in the most mysterious ways sometimes…. The things that make me think about people. The things that make me want what I want.

Ew… I just felt a tear roll out of my eye.

Anyways, I took a trip to San Clemente today… Here are the pictures that came out of it…

Real friends are hard to come by… when you find them… hang on to them with all you’ve got. Love you Kevin. Thank you for everything and every smile you put on my face.

xoxox