I find that I am completely distracted in trying to write. It’s like when I start driving I get these amazing ideas to write about and I start planning it out in my head. Then it comes to actually executing the ideas and I get distracted like right now… Rian came in and started asking me what I was writing about… I answered.. Then he asked..”what do you mean?” Now hes pushing a bunch of change around and I CANNOT FUCKING FOCUS! I just want to write! I have so much to say and it’s impossible for me to get out because I cannot fucking focus!

I have really had the most ridiculous week ever. Dealing with insurance claims really is a huge pain in the ass. But, it seems as though my insurance company might just be worse than a yeast infection. (I mean that in the most lady like way of course.) To top all of that off it seems my friend Nick is mad at me because I have not been able to call him when I said I was going to. I apologized and explained that I have been under a lot of stress and it seems like every other day is something else with my car (s). Apparently, that is of no substance to him and I have been dismissed as his “friend.”

It’s 1:37 pm. I am currently making bets with myself on when exactly I am going to come to a breaking point today and I start slamming my head into my desk while uncontrollably crying. I mean at what point am I allowed to start crying? At what point am I allowed to show emotions and say, “I can’t take this anymore STOP.”

Dear Baby God, please grant me the ability to punch people in the face over the internet. This would help relieve a lot of my stress.

xoxox

Okay! Here’s the thing internet tubes… You know I hate celebrity gossip like more than anything in this world. If you’re an avid reader of mine you’ll remember when TMZ wouldn’t stop talking about Tiger Woods cheating… and then I wished another celebrity would die so I could stop hearing about his sex life…. coincidentally 4 hours later Britney Murphy is announced dead. My point is not that I have crazy Santaria Magician Powers…It’s that I really don’t give a shit if Tiger Woods is banging nasty hoes with missing teeth and pussies that look like shot gun wounds with gangrene. My point is why in the fuck does anyone give a shit about this crap?

For the last week my TV has been set to E! I don’t know why. I leave the TV on for Aidan so when I’m gone he doesn’t feel so alone. Every time I come home at 6:15am E! News or TMZ is on. Every fucking day I get to hear about how every one is so concerned for Lindsay Lohan. Every day I get to hear about Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson passive aggressively tweeting to each other. Every fucking day I get to hear about what Lindsay Lohan’s deadbeat Father is doing now. Every mother fucking fucktard day I get to hear about how Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson are BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH… BLLLLAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH (Don’t you dare tell me to change the channel because that’s too easy of an answer.) If I were in the place of Lindsay Lohan I think I’d have to hang myself to make all of this go away. Yo’ I’m fucking serious people! If she really does have a drug/alcohol problem all they’re doing is driving her over the edge. I mean doesn’t anyone learn anything from watching “Intervention” on A&E. I do! (I learned that if you inhale dust-off it feels like you’re walking on sunshine especially if you wish you had a dad.) If you force help onto people who don’t want it… you’re wasting your time and your breath. Furthermore, you’re just irritating the shit out of the person.

Now, as for the bit with Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson… It’s insanely obvious that Lindsay still has feelings for Samantha. Why do I say this? Well, because if she didn’t care she wouldn’t be posting those passive aggressive tweets. She would just ignore her. So here is my solution to the problem you two girls…. One of you needs to buy a “Feel-do” and you need to fuck the shit out of each others pussies…. squirt all over each other as if you were on the cast of “The Great American Squirt Off” and take your passive aggressive shit out on each others pussy. Then when you’re done and you can’t move and you have lady pee pee all over you… you can turn to each other and say… “Do you still hate me?” If one of you answers yes… Well, then you know it wasn’t meant to be and now it’s time to move on… (I hear Tiger Woods and Jesse James are single now… Thems some good pickins’ ladies.) But, if you both by this moment have forgave each other while in this sex driven euphoria… then I just fucking solved your problem, didn’t I? (say yes or I’ll slap you.)

(Also, be sure to tape said squirting lady bang and forward a copy to me so I can make sure it was executed correctly. Oh, and it won’t work unless you’re both wearing lots of high top sneakers. No, this isn’t a porn… this is therapy. If you’re really too shy to do it just bring Samantha Ronson to me and I’ll take care of it…)

(Fuck me in my Supras.)

Okay so now I’m going to move on to how I would handle the situation with my dad shit talking me all over TMZ… I would probably photoshop my fathers picture into a very intense tranny gay sex scene and then send it to TMZ… Or just slap him in the face.

Now, if all of this hasn’t solved the problems in Lindsay Lohan’s life…. I have one other thing that will do it all…..

Ready?
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.
.
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.
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Eat More Fruit Snacks…

Idk… they make me happy…?!

Okay but in all seriousness… I really think that Lindsay needs to stay off of Twitter when she’s drunk/high or having bi-polar episodes. It’s really sad for me to see the things she just puts out on Twitter for the media to chew her alive like they do… It’s sad. Maybe if Samantha Ronson has sex with me it will make Lindsay Lohan not crazy? This is also a good idea!

Moving on…

Recently I’ve had the opportunity to recognize some habits that I have somehow adapted into my life are really unlike my usual behavior. First and foremost, I’ve been habitually late to mostly everything I do. It shits up my mind completely because before I moved to Los Angeles I used to be chronically early for anything and everything. I am now the exact opposite. I do realize that traffic tends to play a huge role in my tardiness. However, it is no excuse. I feel like it’s something I really want to work on to disappear from my habits. I really need to start paying attention to when traffic is at its worst and so forth.

Next, I’ve realized that I’ve been insanely organized with my bills and money I spend. I can say that I am very pleased with this habit. Prior to December 2009 I would say I was not as organized but I was beginning. In September was when the changes with that in my mind and thought process really started. I am sure at this point you are thinking, “Seriously, what the fuck is this girl thinking?” I’M NOT THINKING MOTHERFUCKER I’m just writing out my inner monologue.

I’m sure you hear me say this day in and day out but seriously…. My job is stressing me out! It’s starting to take over my life to the point where I don’t even feel like myself most of the time. I really know that soon I need to do something to relax and I mean really relax where I don’t have to worry about anything while I’m gone and come back to peace and quiet.

Soon… Soon…..

Anyways, I am over a friends house and I should probably go because I’m supposed to be pretending that I’m watching the Lakers game but you see that I’m not doing that…

xoxox

Oh hello there. . . I hope that everything is okay with everyone. I had quite an adventure last night to say the least. It’s funny you know when you have this impression of someone that they are something that you want to see as a positive influence in your life and it turns out they really were not at all what you thought. Almost like a Mirage in the desert people describe in literature and Disney Movies. (Aladdin reference FTW.) It is to my understanding that a Mirage occurs due to total internal reflection of light. When the sun is high in the sky, the sand gets heated first and then the layers of air above it. The rays from the trees travel from an optically denser air layer to a rarer layer and hence bend away from the normal. This bending continues and a stage is reached where the angle of incidence becomes greater than the critical angle and total internal reflection takes place. The totally reflected rays that reach the eyes appear to come from a point on the ground where the image of the tree is formed. Thus one sees an inverted image of the tree though there is no water around. I found this picture describing it…. I’ll post it and get to my metaphor now.

In the diagram you’re looking at the lines of the different variations of temperature that cause one to be a part of the Mirage phenomenon. To me it’s like a brand new relationship with a person. It’s not just boyfriend and girlfriend I’m talking about either. I mean friendships and all relationships. We perceive a reflection where there is none. That is until you actually get up close and see the real person for what they are. This has been a painful process for me all of my life to learn how to judge better characters of people. To see warning signs before it’s too late. I am very self aware of most of my negative attributes to my make up. I make sure people perceive me as a total bitch and a hard ass… I do this to protect myself and weed out more people to hurt me more in the future. If I don’t look out for myself who else will? The thing is though.. underneath that exterior if you actually get through those walls… I’d give you anything I could within my power. I care way too much about people sometimes. I really need to work harder at addressing these issues within myself because if I end up with another 1 1/2 black eyes again because of a struggle that got out of hand… one of you mother fuckers is getting curb stomped American History X style. You think I’m joking? Try me.

xoxox